Penis Size – It’s just not that big a deal

I was on the phone with a young man in Texas the other day who had called me because he was very distraught. He was sure a fulfilling sex life was never going to be for him because his penis was only 5 ½ inches long. I told him that was a perfectly average size penis. He insisted that many years ago some girl had told him that he was smaller than she expected and that simple little statement has haunted him ever since. I told him for all he knows she could have been relieved that it was smaller than she expected.

The global average penis size is 5.16 inches (that means half the men are smaller than that and half the men are bigger than that). In the United States the average penis is right around 5.5 inches.  However, according to most dating apps, men often report their penis to be over 7 inches. The Closet shared a very funny article on this topic with an unscientific bit of research.

I suppose there are a million reasons why men would want to lie about the size of their penis. The most common culprit seems to be the ubiquitous nature of pornography. Let’s face it, men in porn do have huge penises. However, as I point out to my patients – that’s why they are in porn. I like the analogy of a professional basketball player. If I hung out with pro basketball players, I would feel short in comparison even though I’m 6 feet tall. These guys are professional basketball players because they are 7 feet tall. Guys are in porn because they have huge penises!

Let’s be honest, there absolutely are women who are going to say things like they need a penis that is X number of inches and that’s fine, because those women are entitled to their preference. Just like there are guys out there who only want to date “Double D Debbie,” those guys are entitled to their preference as well. If I ask most men, they really don’t care about the size of a woman’s breasts, just as the vast majority of women really don’t care that much about the size of a man’s penis.

My line to men is, “Women are just not into dick the same way guys are.” But, it is such an ingrained part of the male culture in our society that men feel the need to prove their virility by the size of the penis. Listen, we come by it naturally. It’s been a consistent theme from Pompeii on down. Even some species of monkeys stake their alpha role on the size of their penis. There is probably something primal about it.

Because I am a sexologist, I often ask questions that other people are too embarrassed to ask. One of the questions I ask women quite frequently is “How concerned are you about the size of a man’s penis?” The answer I hear the most is, “I hope it’s not too big.”

Guys, great sex comes from how you make someone feel about themselves. Trust me, your penis is simply not that great a tool of communication when it comes to expressing your feelings about someone. How you talk, look, touch, kiss, explore, etc. are all far more powerful ways to express sexual desire. Sure, the penis is a fun part of sex, an option for enjoyment,  and we definitely want it on the menu, but the idea that your penis is the star of the show is a belief that probably came more from porn than it does from your partner’s desire. Stop worrying about the size your penis – focus on playing with your partner.

If you’re experiencing sexual dysfunction, contact us for a free phone consultation.