Men love toys. As boys, they love boy toys. As men, they love man toys. Men often have special places where they play with their toys – the garage, the basement, the shed, the man cave. We men usually need to collect more toys to work on our toys. Some people might call them tools. But the fact is, there is often very little distinction between a tool and a toy for many men. Tools are simply toys used to work on other toys.
Men tend to take pride in their toys. Maintaining a classic car can make a guy feel like a brilliant engineer. Any guy that can handle a chainsaw feels like a stud. Keeping the boat afloat and in pristine condition makes him captain of his domain. Fixing a computer can make him feel like a genius.
When it comes to sex toys, men are no different. Many times, just a sex partner is a great toy! That’s great! Bodies are very cool toys! But, having other toys to use on your partner is even cooler. Many men get their hands on a sex toy and they tend to work on their partner much as they would their Porsche. They get the engine warmed up, then revved up. They check fluid levels and oil. They check the clutch – of course it’s a stick shift. They take it for a spin. The test drive is a success. They are clearly master mechanics.
In my work with men, I often ask if they ever use the toys on themselves. I usually get a blank stare. Clearly I don’t get it. Tools, or toys, are meant to be used on the other person, right? That’s just how it works. Well, not exactly. Remember those childhood lessons on sharing? They apply to sex and sex toys, too. When men hand over the toys to their partner and lets her use them on him – the new playground rules can be pretty fun!
Some men might consider it an abdication of power and duty to turn over the control of toys to their partner. After all, isn’t it the man’s job to wear the tool belt? But, that’s exactly what a lot of men need to do. Guys tend to be big into control. It can be scary to let go and…well…let go. The change in roles can be exhilarating. Some of the most powerful sexual moments happen when the man relinquishes all control and turns over the control of the situation to their partners.
So, everything you learned in kindergarten applies here as well: Be nice to each other, take turns and share your toys.