So, You Think You Masturbate “Wrong”?

The word “Idiosyncratic” means something that pertains to an individual. In this case, it means a person who has a way of masturbating that is unique (or out of the ordinary).  Most men stroke their penis with their hand in a way that vaguely imitates the stimulation from intercourse. Idiosyncratic masturbation encompasses a broad variety of ways men can stimulate their penis to the point of ejaculation. For example, a very common style is lying face down and rubbing the penis on the mattress, or even using a folded pillow as a sort of vagina.  This is surprisingly common and we see it creating problems quite frequently when it comes to partnered sex.

Idiosyncratic masturbation can cause issues when it trains the penis to respond to specific stimuli. When partnered sex cannot, or does not, imitate that stimulus, climax can become a challenge, Erectile Dysfunction can occur, and once either of these things happen, anxiety sets in. Often, these men tend to inflict maximum sensation and stimulation to the penis to climax ASAP. As you can imagine, intercourse can be a challenge if these men have been engaging in this for a long time. The soft, gentle sensation of a vagina can’t compete with the friction and burn of a bed sheet!

When men come to us with masturbation habits that are interfering with partnered pleasure, our practice approaches this in a multi-faceted treatment.  We begin with education so they understand what is happening, followed by holistic masturbation retraining so that they may encompass their entire body during in the event and practice being present in the body, instead of just focused on the penis.

Each patient is different, but we have a whole system of retraining the penis to a different sensation. We usually use a super stimulation masturbation sleeve then slowly wean them down to lower sensation until we get to a sleeve that is close to a vagina in stimulation. This can take months, or for some men, just a couple of weeks.

There are medical interventions as well. Sometimes a doctor may prescribe medication to help make it easier to climax. Often, added stimulation such as vibrators or prostate massagers, are used. Getting higher arousal levels can often help; getting sex out of a routine is part of this therapy.

I find that men with idiosyncratic masturbation styles tend to have a lot of shame about masturbating ‘wrong’. The fact is, we encourage men to explore various ways of stimulating themselves. It only becomes an issue if it begins to interfere with either his or his partner’s pleasure. If you think you might be masturbating in a way that might get in the way of partnered sex, contact us.

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