How to Bottom Safely and Enjoyably

For anyone who does not know, the label “Bottom,” refers to a man who participates in passive anal sex.  A “Top” is the active participant.  There are many men who take to bottoming like a duck to water, never have and issue or injury and would not understand what all the fuss is about.  On the other hand, there are many men who are drawn to experience of bottoming who cannot achieve their goals quiet so easily.

There are two main issues connected to bottoming.  Firstly, how do I prepare for anal sex?  Secondly, how do I keep clean down there so I won’t soil myself and my partner. Both are very valid concerns and discussed a lot in the community.

The general rule of thumb when preparing to bottom is to start small and work up in a consistent and graded way.  Any unnecessary muscle tension in and around your pelvis is unhelpful.  Make sure you are relaxed and almost in a meditative relaxed state before starting to physically dilate your anal canal.  Keep your breathing deep and slow and relax your abdominals.

Two very effective methods of anal dilation are the Self Massage Method and the Dilator Plug Method

The Self Massage Method was the subject of a recent study and was found to be very effective for anal dilation.  Treatment only requires one finger and some lubricant. You don’t need to spend money on equipment, and no one will stumble across your equipment by accident if that is an issue for you.  This is how you start.

  • The program runs for seven days, ten minutes in the morning and afternoon.
  • On Day 1 and Day 2, simply lubricate a index finger and gently insert it into your anus until you feel the tip of your finger “pop through” in to the rectum. You will know your finger is in the rectum because the pressure of the anal canal gives way and opens to an area of considerably less pressure.  Do nothing else.  Breathe deeply, actively relax your anus and stay still for ten minutes.  Repeat this step for ten minutes in the afternoon.  Repeat this again the next day.  This step does more than you think.  It is a no risk beginning and you will learn a lot about your anus that will be invaluable later on.
  • On Day 3, slowly start moving your entire finger in a small circular motion. As your anus relaxes, the circular motion will be able to increase in diameter.  Do not rush.  This should not be painful or feel terribly uncomfortable if you take it slowly and increase the diameter of the circular massage as able.  Repeat this step twice a day for ten minutes morning and evening.  This phase of the anal dilation phase is performing dual tasks.  Firstly, the gentle, ever increasing circles performed by your finger is relaxing and stretching the anal canal.  Secondly, the massage is preparing the skin on the inside of your anus for friction.

The Dilator Method is exactly what it sounds like.  If you are a beginner, purchasing an anal dilation set of butt plugs is a good idea.  When you are purchasing the plugs, make sure you get butt plugs that have a long-tapered head.  This will allow you to gently open your anal canal as the widest part of the plug is introduced slowly.  If your dilator resembles an actual penis, you will reach the full diameter of the dilator much faster and a previously undilated anus will most likely not be ready for such a rapid stretch. 

The rule is to take your time with each plug.  Do not miss a size or dilation time frame.  The reason is again, you are not just stretching your anal canal, you are also preparing the inside anal skin for friction.  The change takes time. 

If your anus is very tight, each plug should be used every other day for a two-week period. The days you are not using the plug are the days your inside anal skin is changing.  If you are not so tight and dilation is not a huge effort, daily dilation if fine.  When you are using the plug, apply plenty of lubrication and insert until you feel resistance.  Do not push the plug straight into your anus.  Gently apply a quarter turn on each insertion.  As you feel your anal canal accommodate to the plug, gently withdraw the plug a little, and gently push forward with a slight twist into the next muscle resistance.  Be gentle and don’t push into any pain.  Some mild discomfort is not unusual but there is a big difference between mild discomfort and the feeling of pain immediately preceding an injury.

Some anal canals can be the same tightness all the way through.  Some sphincters are tighter at the entrance and some are tighter at the end of the canal.  If you take your time and are completely aware of how your anal canal is feeling, it would be almost impossible to injure yourself.

Let’s talk blood for one moment.  Do not panic or call an ambulance if you notice some pink diffuse blood when you are cleaning up after a session.  Even if you see a frank red stripe of blood on a toy, penis or finger, try not to panic.  It is not uncommon to notice a little, limited amount of blood after sex or after sexual preparation.  If you have pain in the area and bleeding is ongoing, you need to seek medical attention.

Dilation should continue several times a week if you are not participating in regular bottoming and you want to remain prepared for spontaneous sex. If you need guidance, our team is here to help.

Contact us to learn more about our services for gay and bisexual men or to schedule a free phone consultation.

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